( Composed by Siba
Ram Baral )
Yes, friends…. I am
talking about something which is happening at your next door. A
common scene around that has triggered an early warning to a
possible massive cultural disaster. To start discussing on this
let's find out if our history and tradition says something similar.
ACOUSTIC NERVE : "Ghotul", a system followed by tribal people of
interior Maharastra and MP in which marriageable boys and girls stay
together for a few days in specially constructed thatched huts and
select their partners after gaining familiarity and confidence is
still in vogue among tribal.
Our constitution says : Staying together before marriage : bigamy a
When I meet youngsters belonging to the middle class, related to my
friends or from neighborhood, I find these shy children still blush
with the name of love itself. They are trapped in the struggle of
resolving career-oriented problems on the one hand and are in a
blind race of adopting the western lifestyle. They are keen to adopt
card culture and fast food trend, while love is still a romantic
dream for them. Trapped in traditional disparities these youngsters
seem to shy from physical relationship. But when I go through the
personal columns and discussion boards in the magazines, I find most
of their talks revolving around issues of premarital physical
relation, their physical involvements and their confusions arising
thereof. The newspapers are full of such love messages, in the chat
room of Internet cafés these youngsters appear to be very bold.
I get perplexed with the projection of this double standard of this
new young Indian lot. What is the truth? They might have indulged in
the physical relations out of natural curiosity but their Indian
cultural norms must also lead to conflict within their minds. These
premarital relations give rise to the problem of mental distress.
Because our Indian traditions emphasize that physical relation and
physical relation should be with only the one you get married. All
love affairs are not successful : some are sacrificed due to
circumstances and societal pressures while fade with the passage of
time. In these cases, if there has been physical involvement, then
these Indian youngsters cannot embezzle it, and their traditional
views do not allow them to accept it. This remains alive in their
life and revives like an ulcer in their personality.
In India, the large percentage of boys and girls belonging to middle
class families of small towns are still ignorant of physical
relations till they get married. This is also a negative approach.
One class of these youngsters wants to be known as progressive, they
stay in big cities while enjoying their freedom and independence.
These self-dependent young who believe marriage as a burden, are
economically independent, they think that they have a clear thought
of physical relations, just like a natural desire. For such desires,
the girls and boys belonging to this class start staying together
under the concept of 'Living-in-relations '. These young persons who
don't believe in marriage, in no time, entangle with lot of
troubles. These relations do not have any commitments, devotion, and
when there is an ego clash with each other, then these relations
without any sanctity of society become burden leading to separation
and a cause for mental distress.
It has taken some thousand of years for man to evolve from an animal
to a civilized human, developing his emotional and societal needs to
build relationships for his personal growth and family, how can the
act of physical relation sans an emotional security be truly
satisfying? Physical relation involves emotional bondage. We see
around us married couples really struggle to make their marriage
successful because they are committed, while the bond which is
without the sanctity of marriage, it is assumed, will definitely be
full of problems only.
Finally, these premarital relations may give a short-lived sense of
joy through physical relation release or a feeling of independence
by rebelling against the traditional values, they do not confer
permanency that the institution of marriage does. Premarital
physical relations also occur when people cross their marriageable
age and are unable to overlook their physical needs. One may argue
that for an adult, the physical satisfaction is one's personal
affair or an ecstasy arising from the union of two bodies yet the
Indian society does not sanctify this argument without the
institution of marriage. It is true that this institution, in itself
is quite old and needs some change and a considerate attitude. For
example the orthodox and tradition bound society must accept love
At last, these traditions do work and provides security and
confidence to children, the traditions, which are inculcated at
childhood, parent's awareness and friend's behavior, and these
children do not look outside for any prohibited happiness. But
extremeness always makes opposite impression, difference among
physical relation, keeping them apart becomes a cause of dangerous
anxiety. At this stage, the physical relation education, at the
right time through the right medium, serves the positive role. With
the combination of considerate liberal approach and keeping the
traditional values in mind we can restrict such pre-marital physical
relations to a certain extent. This requires cooperation of the
society, parents, educational institutions, media and even the
compatibility of youngsters.
The second issue is the birth of a child arising from premarital
physical relation. This is not desired or acceptable even in the
tribal society of any part of the world. Even among the animals,
before giving birth to their children, both parents bring up the
children together, till they become self-dependent. Single
motherhood is not only unnatural but suicidal too. Even if the
mother is well-versed to rear her children, she cannot provide
completeness in the absence of the father. The unmarried mother
can't do justice with herself and the child.
With various discussions and debates, these topics will always
remain filled with controversies and will be alive forever.
Prohibited but lustrous the premarital physical relation may be, it
cannot remove the values of the institution of marriage. Though the
marriage is an old institution but it has a definite scientific
value of stability, physical satisfaction, emotional attachments and
feeling of security.
My sincere request to all my friends and youngsters to stay away
from such things and better be honest and integrated for some one
who waits at some corner of the world to be your partner for next